Matt’s notes

Author: Matt

  • Valleys

    Valleys

    I’ve been thinking about valleys lately. I’ve gotten overly well acquainted with them. (Insert long rambling sob story about my impressive collection of problems here.) I wouldn’t say I have them figured out. The word valley conjures up an image in my mind. It’s a dark valley between two steep mountains. The weather is that of a southern Indiana winter. That is to say, cold enough to be miserable but not cold enough to freeze. The sky is a dismal shade of grey, relentlessly drizzling icy rain. The trail is slippery slimy mud. And we have to walk this trail, one slow squelching step at a time.

    Valleys are something we go through sooner or later. They can be consequences of our actions or circumstances. There are many different types- spiritual, mental, physical, etc. Some “the glass is half full” people may try to tell you that they’re actually a good thing. That you should even perhaps be thankful for them. And they probably have a point. But I’m not trying to spin them in a good light here. They get me down. They steal joy. In my opinion, valleys are negative.

    What can be done when all there is is discouragement and mud? I can’t fix the valley myself, no matter how hard I try. But I don’t have to get through it alone, although it often feels that way. The most important thing is not to lose faith. If I face overwhelming circumstances, then God must have at the very least allowed them. And if He’s allowed them then He will be by my side all the way through. And there will always be a way through. Not necessarily an easy or fun way, but a way nonetheless. I need to trust Him and not let go of His hand.

    The only way to get through the valley is to keep on walking. It doesn’t get me anywhere to sit by the trail and moan about it. I must just endure, and having endured, keep on enduring until the valley is endured. (That sentence felt illegal.) It takes (or creates) patience and temperance. One step at a time, eventually there is the other side. At least with most valleys. A friend asked me “What if you do everything you can but the valley never improves?” I don’t have an answer for that. For some valleys, maybe the other side isn’t in this life, and won’t be gained till Heaven.

    I don’t think that thought should be too discouraging. The valley may steal some joy, but it shouldn’t consume me. Does temporary suffering matter in the big picture? And it’s not like valleys are always lived in every moment of the day. There can still be some joy to be found if I look for it. True, life won’t always hold joy, and there are times when we can’t take hold of it. But can’t there still be good days in the midst of bad? And even during the worst of days, can’t there still be peace, rest, and hope? I think it really is a mental and spiritual game. There are people who suffer horrible things, and are joyful through it all. Paul and Silas, for example.

    There’s also a lot to be learned in the valley. They can really show us a lot about ourselves. They can help to strengthen things we may lack. A quote from a song because I like using quotes from songs: “Though this test be not thy choice, make from it some lovely thing.”¹ Perhaps there can be some good that can come from the valley. (Yikes, I’m starting to sound like a glass is half full person.)

    Maybe acceptance is really the heart of this article. After all, to find the joy and good things that are in the valley does require acceptance of it. I can moan and wallow in the mud, making futile attempts to move forward. Or with acceptance I can decide that even though life isn’t fun right now, I can still trust the hand that’s stronger than my own. I can surrender those precious things which the valley has taken. I can still find good among all the mud. I can face this valley head on and not give up. Some more quoteage from another song: “Then teach me Lord, to accept the life you give to me; if there be pain, if there be sorrow, let me turn to Thee and lean upon Thy promises for blessed release, for in acceptance there is peace.”² That sums up this article rather nicely. Next time maybe I’ll just share the quote and call it a day.

    ¹ In Acceptance There Is Peace- Tim Coblentz
    ² In Acceptance There Is Peace- Geraldine Koehn

  • Stealing from the Dragon

    I had finally arrived. The famed dragon’s lair stood before me. The maw of the cave gaped hungrily. Just inside were mounds of treasure, gleaming gold and rubies that glinted off my torchlight. It beckoned to me. Archaic text was carved into the rock wall at the entrance. It grimly proclaimed, “ALL WHO ENTER SHALL DIE.” Ignoring the raspy breathing from within, I boldly stepped into…

    But that’s not what really happened. No, the lair was merely a plain ole gas station. You know, those places you can get fuel for your car, and many things to waste your money on. And the treasure I was after was merely a drink. Something caffeinated to kickstart my day.

    I went inside and got some coffee. Gas station coffee isn’t something I do often; I’m not that desperate. But it seemed like a good idea at the time. I don’t fathom how my morning brain makes decisions.

    I went to pay for said coffee. It turns out the card machine was down, and they could only take cash. That’s what the big signs on the door were on about. I’m not always the most observant person. And I never carry cash.

    So here I was, awkwardly mumbling about not having cash. And of course I got the one thing you can’t just go put back. They probably thought I did it on purpose. But the nice lady said I could have it for free. What’s two dollars to Casey’s, after all?

    On a completely unrelated note, having a blog is different than I expected. Before people knew about it, I was inspired and excited. The enthusiasm kinda slackened after I started it. I mean, a few people actually signed up for emails. Anybody can go read what I put on here. That seems crazy! Maybe it’s not really a bad thing, but it is scary. But supposedly the only thing to fear is fear itself, or so I hear.

    I will post more “real” stuff sooner or later. If I know anything about it, probably later.

  • Journey On

    Journey On

    I journey on, the way is clear.

    No hint of shadow to bring fear.

     We walk and talk, my Lord and I.

    I feel His love stream from on high.

    I journey on; a cloud appears,

    And creeping in are doubts and fears.

    But I am steadfast; I will pray.

    My Lord will soon send help my way.

    I journey on, as more clouds rise,

    Soon darkly overcast the skies.

    My prayers no answers do receive,

    Yet I must try to hope, believe.

    I journey on, the valley looms.

    The night is dark, and all is gloom.

    I cannot find His presence here.

    I feel alone; the foe is near.

    I stumble on, though faith shaken,

    Hope and trust all but forsaken.

    Lord, can’t You see that I’m in need?

    Where are You now? Why won’t You lead?

    I stumble on till finally

    The light begins to dawn in me.

    The clouds begin to slowly part;

    A ray of hope shines in my heart.  

    I journey on; at last I feel

    My Maker’s presence with me still.

    Was He with me all this dark time?

    I hear His gentle voice remind:

    “I love you so, and always will.

    Although at times you do not feel

    That I’m close by, I still remain.

    I care about your fears, your pain.

    My child, your feelings should not be

    What makes your faith reality.

    For feelings come, and they will go,

    But I would never leave you so.

    So when the valley comes to thee,

    Remember, simply trust in Me.

    And journey on, through doubt and fear;

    Reach for My hand, I’m always here.”

     

  • What’s Wrong With Looking?

    What’s Wrong With Looking?

    I was recently listening to an audiobook, and the last sentence caught me off guard. It said “We all dream of finding, but what’s wrong with looking?” That made me stop and think. After all, don’t we all dream of finding something in life? Maybe it’s a career, a relationship, wealth, better health, or even a closer walk with God. It could be a million different things.

    It’s good to have goals and dreams. But it’s really easy for me to get wrapped up in wanting the finding, and not enjoying the looking. Wishing the perfect tomorrow was here can make me forget to live today. Wanting those things I don’t have yet or may never have can make me discontent. This makes me feel stuck in the muck. It causes the present to feel a lot worse off than it actually is.

    I need to focus on what I can control. The finding may bring joy and contentment, but it shouldn’t steal those from the journey. It helps to be present, to live in the now and focus on what I can improve today. True, the goals do matter. But what I do today matters more.

    Another thing that helps is thankfulness. Rarely do I stop and realize all the good things I have right now. We know a God who hears us when we pray, who loves and forgives us. Is that not enough? And there are so many more good things if I will only stop to enjoy them! Time spent with a friend, enough money for the things I need and some of the things I want, a blazing sunset followed by an amazing starlit sky. Maybe these are common examples, but that doesn’t make them any less real! When I can appreciate and enjoy the little things, it helps me be more content with the looking.

    I’m afraid this isn’t one of those articles where I wrap it up with a nice bow on top. Sure, I can sit here and say to be thankful and focus on the present. But when it comes to real life that’s easier said than done. I’m in the process of learning that. A definition of contentment said that it is a habitual realization that you have enough. That habitual word stuck out to me. Habits take effort to establish. Maybe it’s a muscle that needs exercised. So I guess it’s time to get out there and do some contentment reps. After all, what is wrong with looking?

  • The Giant Triangle Saga

    The Giant Triangle Saga

    I had put my name in for boys class. The closer it got the less I looked forward to it. Almost a year later, the dreaded experience had finally arrived. I had to leave a day earlier than planned to pick up people and tires from North Carolina. I got on the road after loading everything I could ever want and more for the next two weeks. I may be a bit of an overpacker. I was disappointed going through some Appalachian hills. (hills or mountains, it’s debatable) I couldn’t see much of the scenery with the dismal drizzling rain. It didn’t help that I was worried about how class was going to go. So it wasn’t the world’s greatest drive.

    The next day we drove southwest, ending up about directly south of my Indiana home. Somewhere along the way I realized that I was driving a huge triangle. (No, that doesn’t have any hidden significance.) The sun was shining, and the temperature climbed as we went south. Spirits were much higher than the day before. We got there late for supper but still in plenty of time for the introductions.

    I felt the familiar pit in my stomach as we walked in the doors of the church. That evening is a bit blurred in my mind, but I ended up staying at a nice elderly couple’s home for the night. Sitting there talking, I found myself thinking that this really isn’t so bad. The next two weeks weren’t at all scary like I had made them out to be in my head. It was great to get out of my comfort zone (I need to do that more), and get to know new people. Singing was awesome, something I’ve really grown to love lately. I got a kick out of the foosball table on breaks.

    A couple of essays in, I started realizing that I enjoy writing. That was kind of unexpected. I probably complained about it at the time. Those essays inspired me to do more writing, so here we are. The one thing that I didn’t enjoy was giving a talk at the end of the lesson instead of an essay. I can put my thoughts down just fine on paper, I guess I have more time to think about them. Talking from a few notes is a lot harder. It doesn’t help to be nervous and on the edge of uncontrollable laughter the entire time.

    We took a boat ride in Port Mobile for the class outing. Everything there was larger than life. The highlight was the S.S. United States, an old gutted ocean liner. It was impressive at 990 feet long, over 100 feet longer than the Titanic. It still holds the transatlantic speed record for an ocean liner. We made a stop at Buc-ee’s on the way back. The highlight of that was probably the bathrooms. They were roughly as big as my future house will be. No more awkwardly waiting in line!

    Two weeks went by and before I knew it class was over, the program finished. We went to Pensacola on Saturday. The beach we tried to go to was in a naval base, and we went to the wrong gate the first time. At the right gate, they searched our vehicle, then told us Canadians couldn’t go into the base due to US strikes in Iran. I’m still trying to make sense out of that one. The remainder of us joined the rest of the guys for supper and a round of mini golf. Then we headed back to Walnut Hill for volleyball. I managed to survive that evening. I was exhausted, and pretty peopled out after two weeks of constant socializing. The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Vacation comes to mind. But it was still good to have one last day there.

    I finally headed for home the next morning. It was deflating to see the eighty degree temperature drop as I headed north. After ten hours of driving and one time of almost wrecking, I made it home. The temperature was unapologetically down in the thirties. And so the giant triangle saga came to an end.

    Class ended up being a great and fulfilling experience. I wouldn’t say that I’m the most extroverted guy out there, but I managed to enjoy it. I learned a lot and made new friends. We made some great memories. And Walnut Hill went above and beyond making us welcome. They deserve a gold star.

    One thing I noticed is that I got a lot more out of class than I would’ve one or two years ago. I think twenty plus is a good age for it. But you’re probably more mature than I am, or maybe you’re one of those guys that has their ducks in a row and gets married by twenty. So don’t listen to me, go for it whenever it floats your boat.